Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

Hey People of God!!
Happy St. Pattie's Day!!! I hope you all are having fun and celebrating it well. For those of you that are not celebrating it (like me), I found some random HILARIOUS quotes. Actually they are bumper stickers, but I couldn't resist sharing them!! I starred * my favorite ones.
Enjoy!

1. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

2. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

3. I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.

4. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

5. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

6. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.*

7. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

8. Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

9. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.*

10. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

11. What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?*

12. Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.*

13. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

14. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets*

15. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

16. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom

17. You are depriving some poor village of its idiot!

18. You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!*

19. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

20. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

21. Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.

22. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

23. So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.*

24. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

25. Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home.

26. Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.*

27. Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill it

28. Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

29. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert....

30. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

31. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

32. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck

33. Is it time for your medication or mine?*

34. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

35. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."

36. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

37. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

38. Adults are just kids who owe money*

39. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

40. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

41. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

42. I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.*

43. History does not repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.

44. It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

45. It works better if you plug it in.

46. It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

47. Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.*

48. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

49. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.*

50. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

51. He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.

52. She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.*

53. Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

54. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.*

55. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.*

56. "Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog. -Dorothy."*

57. "Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!"

58. "I souport publik edekasion"*

59. "The more people I meet, the more I like my dog."*

60. "Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"*

61. "It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."

62. "If you don't like the news, go out and make some."

These two are reallllllllly mean, but I thought they were kind of funny at the same time:

63. "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

64. "I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!"

65. "Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all it's students!"

66. "According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist."

67. "Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have."

68. "How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"

69. Seen on a woman's car: "Men call us birds, we pick up worms"

70. "Give me ambiguity or give me something else."

71. "Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"

72. My ABSOLUTE FAV: "3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."

73. BAD COP! - NO DONUT!!!

74. Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

75. "Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself."

76. "I'm out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?"

77. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?*

78. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.*

79. Black holes are where God divided by zero.

80. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?*

81. All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.

82. The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography

83. Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.*

84. Ask me about my vow of silence.

Thank you to: http://www.ahajokes.com/bum01.html